H.O.T.'s Tony Ahn opens up about struggles with depression, anxiety disorder

By KTimes

Tony Ahn, a former member of K-pop boy group H.O.T., opened up about his struggles with depression and social anxiety on CBS's YouTube channel on Wednesday, reflecting on his path from idol stardom to entrepreneurship.

Ahn revealed that he struggled with low self-esteem, often feeling he lacked talent and attributing his success to being with skilled members and a strong company.

After the group's disbandment, his insecurities intensified, leading to feelings of inferiority and obsession.

"I felt I needed to show what I could do well, so I turned to business," he said.

Ahn reflected on his success in business, having earned a significant amount of money and seemingly achieved it all. "I thought I'd finally be recognized," he recalled, "but that's when my life began to unravel. I felt lonely, unable to share my struggles, and slowly began to isolate myself."

He described the headaches that eventually led him to a psychiatrist, where he was diagnosed with conditions including depression, bipolar disorder and social anxiety. Although medication helped alleviate his headaches, it also left him feeling powerless.

Looking back, Ahn said he realized he had mistakenly believed he could overcome everything on his own.

"I became arrogant, thinking I didn't need anything. Life felt empty. I started having negative thoughts daily, wondering what meaning there was in life."

Ahn revealed that he lived on a high floor and often found himself on the balcony, looking down and contemplating dark thoughts, even researching ways to "exit gracefully." However, he admitted that fear kept him from any real attempt.

One night, after mixing alcohol and medication, he woke to a disturbing scene: his bed was soaked with blood, and he realized he had cut his hair with scissors, accidentally injuring his ear in the process. "I could have bled to death if I'd made a slightly deeper cut," he said.

Later, a building manager informed him that he had cracked a mirror in the elevator with his head, further highlighting the extent of his struggles.

Ahn's candid confession shed light on the mental health battles he faced and the turning points that ultimately led him toward healing.

This article from the Hankook Ilbo, a sister publication of The Korea Times, is translated by a generative AI and edited by The Korea Times.