Laughter is the best medicine, and sometimes, the simplest jokes bring the biggest smiles. Whether you’re looking to brighten someone’s day or just need a quick chuckle, these short jokes are easy to remember and sure to bring joy.
These short jokes are perfect for when you need a fast, funny quip. Have you ever started to tell a joke only to forget the punchline halfway through? While the forgetfulness could be funny on its own, no one wants to suffer through the embarrassment of messing up a good joke, especially if it’s one of the funniest jokes of all time. Sometimes, you need to get a quick laugh on demand, and what better way to do it than with one of these short jokes? You can pull these short English jokes out of your back pocket when you’re in need of something funny on the fly. Plus, we've included some of the funniest one-liners and a few short jokes for kids that’ll surely have them giggling.
Classic One-Liners
1. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
2. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
3. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
4. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
5. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
6. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
7. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.
8. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
9. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
10. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
Food Fun
11. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
12. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
13. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
14. Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
15. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
16. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
17. What’s a computer’s favorite snack? Computer chips.
18. Why are ghosts bad at lying? Because you can see right through them.
19. What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite.
20. How does a scientist freshen their breath? With experi-mints.
Animal Antics
21. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
22. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
23. Why don’t some fish play piano? Because you can’t tuna fish.
24. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.
25. Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks.
26. Why don’t elephants use computers? They’re afraid of the mouse.
27. What do you call a dinosaur with a great vocabulary? A thesaurus.
28. Why did the cow go to outer space? To visit the Milky Way.
29. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
30. How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it.
Silly Situations
31. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
32. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
33. How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall.
34. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
35. What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
36. Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? Because he was outstanding in his field.
37. Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus.
38. Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
39. Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
40. How do you keep a bagel from getting away? Put lox on it.
Punny Jokes
51. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a dog? Frostbite.
52. Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants.
53. What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house? The living room.
54. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
55. What did one plate say to the other? Lunch is on me.
56. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
57. What did one hat say to the other? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead.
58. Why don’t you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they’re all in high school.
59. What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
60. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.
Office Humor
61. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
62. What did one wall say to the other wall? I’ll meet you at the corner.
63. Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
64. How do you keep a bagel from getting away? Put lox on it.
65. Why did the scarecrow become a neurosurgeon? He was outstanding in his field.
66. Why was the computer wearing glasses? Because it lost its contacts.
67. What’s a computer’s favorite snack? Computer chips.
68. Why are ghosts bad at lying? Because you can see right through them.
69. What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite.
70. How does a scientist freshen their breath? With experi-mints.
71. Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
72. Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
73. How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.
74. Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.
75. What’s the smartest insect? A spelling bee.
76. Why don’t elephants use computers? They’re afraid of the mouse.
77. What do you call a dinosaur with a great vocabulary? A thesaurus.
78. Why did the cow go to outer space? To visit the Milky Way.
79. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
80. How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it.
Family Fun
81. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
82. What did one hat say to the other? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead.
83. Why don’t you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they’re all in high school.
84. What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
85. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.
86. What did one plate say to the other? Lunch is on me.
87. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
88. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
89. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
90. Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants.
Travel Tales
91. Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus.
92. How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it.
93. Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? Because he was outstanding in his field.
94. Why did the bicycle stand alone? Because it was two-tired.
95. Why do bananas wear sunscreen? Because they peel.
96. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
97. Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus.
98. Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
99. Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
100. How do you keep a bagel from getting away? Put lox on it.
These jokes are perfect for any occasion. Keep them in your back pocket and share the joy of laughter!
English (United States) ·